Three Tips For Dealing With Disappointment

Well folks we’ve finally made it. Tonight 2018 comes to an end and we’ll have survived the second year of the orange troll’s reign in one piece more or less. This year was one full of disappointment in numerous ways.

  • A few of those we stan shocked us with their dismal words and actions, while other people’s problematic faves proved to be too problematic and entered the sunken place choosing to be enslaved to ignorance and mediocrity.
  • A segment of society showed their ass by continuing to act out their racism at the polls while another segment remained shocked and in denial that this was America-even though we know this IS America.  Children and their families have been tear gassed, separated, and abused.
  • Our actions have resulted in Mother Nature giving us wildfires, horrible hurricanes, and other turbulent natural disasters. And we lost some of the best among us great and small…
I miss him.

I could go on but it’s not my intention to sink you further into the mire of this disappointing year. What I want to know is…How are ya’ll feeling? 

Mood

Like it or not disappointment is part of life. Doesn’t matter  whether it’s personal, professional, relationship, etc.  It exists (Read this infographic from  bestpsychologydegrees.org on the psychology of disappointment).  As I stated three sentences ago, disappointment is an inevitable part of our lives, there’s no avoiding it.

So with 2019 looming around the corner, I wanted to  give you a three tips on how to handle disappointment.

1.Understand what’s taken place.

  • Disappointment can either be predictable and preventable or unavoidable and beyond our control.

2. Were our expectations reasonable?

  • Keep it realistic.
  • Did we set the bar too high or too low?
  • Is the outcome what we want?

3. Cope with it in a positive way

  • Channel your energy into other endeavors
  • Reevaluate perception and behavior
  • Redirect our energy and focus on positive solutions
  • Avoid self-loathing, blaming yourself, or blaming others
Here are a few helpful links:

How to Get Back on Track After Disappointing Yourself

4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment

Dealing with Disappointment in Life

11 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Overcome Disappointment

A Letter To INFJs About Dealing With The Pain Of Disappointment

Feeling better? 

That’s pretty much what I expected. But don’t worry we’ll get there. It might take a while but we’ll get there, I promise.

Whether great or small, when life disappointments come at us how we choose to respond is vital in becoming better people and improving our lives and the world.  As we enter 2019 I hope that when disappointment comes knocking at your door-cause it will come-you’ll be able to weather the storm.  And when you’re feeling down remember:

Until we meet again…

 

 

 

8 Things I Learned in 2014

In just a few hours 2014 will be over, 2015 will arrive and I will welcome it with open arms. But until then, I wanted to share what I’ve learned this year.

1. Don’t compare yourself to others. 

I’m 32 years old and I look at what other people who are in my age group have done and I become disappointed in myself. I feel as if I’ve should be farther than where I am in my life. I keep comparing myself to others and it’s not doing me any good.

I’ve learned that each person is on their own path in this thing we call life and though at times I feel as if I should be further along, I know I just need to stay focused on who I am and what I want to accomplish as I continue to work hard to get to those mountaintops. I don’t need to worry about what others are doing. I can be inspired by their journeys, but I don’t need to compare myself to them and feel as if I’m a loser.

2. Never give up, never surrender.

This phrase from Galaxy Quest will forever be one of my mantras.  This year was the year I almost quit writing for good. I had accomplished writing my first novel and I was so excited about the next step in the process-editing. As I started the process my excitement came crashing down and felt so frustrated and angry with myself. I felt that I should have done better with my writing and I also felt stupid.

My frustrations boiled up to the point of almost no return and I began to hate writing and wanted to walk away from writing for good. That’s why I haven’t written much on here, my love of writing just left me.  Thankfully I decided to take a break and when I did a few good things happened.

  • 3. When frustrated, work on something else.

When I put my novel aside and left it there, I worked on other things. I published my third poetry ebook, and I started the pop culture blog Uncanny Pop with one of my Twitter friends. I didn’t stop writing, I just worked on something else and my love of writing has slowly returned.

4. An accomplishment is an accomplishment no matter how small. 

I might not have accomplished much in some people’s eyes or my own this year, but I did do something. I wrote a novel (which was on my bucket list), and I published four books (Where My Imagination Takes Me, Attack on Love, Poesy Rainbow, Outside of the Box) this year.  I had two of my stories published in an eZine and a comic book anthology, in addition to creating Uncanny Pop which is slowly developing a following since its inception in October (the blog has about 235 followers so far). Finally I surpassed my yearly reading goal by reading 68 out of 40 books for the year.

5. Change is scary but it’s also necessary for growth.

This year I cut my hair for the first time ever. I said goodbye to my long locs and hello to short hair. I was scared to do it at first but I overcame my fear and plunged right in. I’m hoping to make changes in other areas of my life in 2015, I’m scared but I know it’ll help me grow as a person.

6. Though the struggle is real, don’t give up hope.

Things in my personal life got a little bit worse, my family has struggled all of my life to make ends meet and right now things are extremely tight.  I’m the sole person who brings in an income-and it’s not a lot at all. On top of that my mom and I have been sick-my mom’s been in and out of the hospital this year, and I’m dealing with my graves disease. There’s a lot of stressful things going on in our lives (police brutality, racism, finances, health, etc.) but though we struggle we continue to not give up hope.

7. Let it go. 

I haven’t seen Frozen (and probably never will due to the many parodies of the song) but that phrase has stuck with me. Sometimes you need to let go of the things and people in your life. There are 10 types of toxic people that you need to leave behind in 2014. Let them go! They’re not worth dealing with anymore.

Many days go by where I’m not sure if I really have friends, but I look forward to the new year and what it has to offer in the way of my relationships. I want to have my own circle of trust that I can depend on.

8. Do your thing!

Be you! Don’t try to be anyone else. The world needs you, you are unique and no one else could replace you. Keep practicing, keep working hard. Don’t give up! Whatever goals, ideas, projects, etc. that you have always wanted to do, do it in 2015, find a way to make it happen. Don’t wait on others, just plunge right in.

I wish you a happy and prosperous New Year! I hope 2015 is way better than 2014 and that you’ll be healthy, happy, and flawless!

I’ll see you in 2015.

Slide1

-Tali

Book Review: That Which Lives Within

Image

That Which Lives Within is a full-length poetry collection by first time author eLPY that it is beautifully written. The 189 page collection features not only poetry, but also poepics, and poetry-infused pictures.

Throughout, the author’s myriad of experiences and emotions are displayed in every poem. The topics of death and loss are touched upon in the poems such as Beyond the Grave, and the poem Left With Memories which is dedicated to her brother who passed away. There are poems about life and love which are just as raw and filled with emotion.

The author’s hopes and dreams as well as fears, frustrations, and self-doubt are also poetically expressed. In the poem “Here’s To My Blossom” at the beginning of the book, eLPY questions her ability to share her writing with others and as the book progresses she grows ever more confident. She also expresses her journey of finding herself, being confident in who she is. It’s a journey of growth that includes joy and despair.

The poepics and infused pictures of poetry are beautiful visuals. It was a little hard to read the font on a few of the pictures because of the color scheme. I thought it was a cool and unique idea to have mixed media and variations of writing within this book. In poems such as “History Rewritten” and “Hypocrisy”, eLPY offers social commentary in her poems on issues such as the genocide in Dafur, the Jena 6, slavery, the exotic pet trade and the slaughter of dolphins in Japan.

The book tells the story of metamorphosis. It’s about going on a journey and growing and not running away from the storms of life. It’s learning from the past and looking forward to what the future will bring. Everyone can relate and can take something valuable and essential from this collection.